Community: Building What Used To Be
Community used to just happen. Now you have to build it.
As a child, community is easier to navigate - it’s practically handed to you. In school, your friends are your classmates; people you see five days a week without even trying. I show up at school, you show up at school. We bond over the same experiences; picking the ultimate bench-ball team in PE, forgetting that the Spanish vocab test with the terrifying teacher is today, trying not to laugh during the guest speaker’s assembly. A rhythm that lasts for years - school, uni, even through your first job.
Then life slows down. It becomes a little more mundane.
The pressure shifts from milestones just happening to you having to lean in to make life ‘happen’. That shift creeps up on you - invisible to most, obvious to those who have already felt its weight- and suddenly, you’re taken out.
Entering my “roaring” twenties during Covid (I know I know, how long will we keep bringing that up) really did a number. One day I was living with friends, community a door away and the next, I was hurled back home and had to learn how to make community happen. The shift was intense. Turns out that nearly three years of periodic isolation rewires how we form meaningful connections. We forget ‘social norms’ and how to form bonds, maybe even feeling more reluctant to get outside and mingle. But the biggest hurdle? Arguably the hit on London’s social scene. With the never ending rise in the cost of living and the growing demands for housing leading to the closure of more venues, London’s social scene has shifted greatly. Now almost every social event has a price tag, a waiting or guest list leading to the gradual death of spontaneous days out.
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Taking a step back… everyone talks about proactively building your tribe but no-one shares how to do it. Where does one even begin?
Maybe it starts with the conversation you need to have with yourself: what are you hoping a new community will do for you, what are you looking for? Are you looking for friendly faces you can call up for a good time? A safe space to learn a new skill alongside others? A deeper kind of companionship? Or maybe you’re looking for a challenge, a shift in how you live, think or grow? Whatever your reason, the heart of the matter is this… finding a community has to start with understanding you, your needs, your values .
It’s easy to overlook the nerves of stepping into a new space or even overlook the reality that making genuine connections requires patient and consistent effort. But these things matter! Saying a cheerful ‘hi’ once or twice is usually not enough. Moment of vulnerability? I often fall into the trap of thinking I need to step in with my best self rather than my true self. This pressure sets me spiralling into overthinking which (truthfully), is exhausting and makes making connections that much harder because I am no longer present.
Lately, there has been a surge in various types of ‘social clubs’ - you can find a community for nearly anything these days, and there is a hunger amongst people to try it all! Here are a few social communities on my wishlist in London:
TheNoireSpace:
A safe haven for Black women to unwind, connect and be seen. From bookclubs, to pilates and games nights; this is a space focused on catering to the diverse needs of Black women, prioritising conversation, freedom of expression and enjoyment.
Out of Office Collective:
This social club makes luxury traveling feel like a lifestyle - not a one off! With curated trips, group getaways and a hub of travel resources and advice, this is the community for travellers that want to expand their territory and make connections. But it’s not just about catching flights, they also host events for young professionals & creatives through various social activities.
Ijokoomoyoruba / fortheloveofyoruba:
Yes, I am a green white green girl through and through! And these communities make room for everyone; whether your Yoruba is flawless or still finding its feet (guess which camp I’m in!). Similar hubs for different tribes and other countries exist, so it’s worth checking out if that interests you or maybe even starting your own!
And if you are fortunate to have found your tribe - why not bring some freshness into the group? Expand the purpose of your community. I have a book club started with the girls (currently on our 6th book!) and it’s been a breath of fresh air returning to a hobby I once loved but doing it with friends. There’s something beautiful about finding out more about how your friends view the world, and maybe even secret battles they’ve been facing, whilst discussing the disappointing behaviour of your agreed least favourite characters.
Cheeky plug for my church ‘A New Thing London’ who are reimagining what church community can look like. From organising theatre trips, panel sessions, football tournaments, scavenger hunts and frequent Sunday TAP (talk and pray) sessions in local restaurants - they are making community part of a weekly rhythm; a conscious effort and not just something that happens.
Disclaimer: Although this piece mentions being in your ‘twenties’, you never outgrow the urge to find your community at any age, after all it takes a village.
To define the current urge and era for community, I would use the words relentless and authentic. People are waking up with a need to go back to basics, stripping off what looks aesthetically appealing and chasing what is genuine and meaningful to them. There is a beauty in seeing people just try, whether it be just trying out running (hello, run club: runpac) or trying to explore your mother tongue. The effort brings a freshness to a life that can quite quickly become … dull.
We are all in our own ways searching relentlessly for something that feels real. That home away from home.